So it has often baffled me how incredibly dumb some producers seem to be when it comes to adapting media into films.
Consider ‘The Dark Tower’ by Stephen King.
Ok it wasn’t the easiest and most coherent series to adapt to film, but there are certain aspects to it you simply can’t miss out otherwise you’re not making a Dark Tower film.
I’ve just watched this with the wife, and it feels like the moron who created it has simply taken the concept of The Dark Tower and butchered it into a movie that is so detached from the books that it might as well have been called ‘The Big Tower’ about entirely different people.
Honestly who is this film made for?
If it is aimed at new people, why borrow a known IP?
If it is aimed at book people – WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CHANGING IT?!
Instead of a very old world story with the last gun slinger out in the wilderness continuing on his epic journey to the centre of the universe, we have a weird Sci Fi film with lots of machinery.
It feels like they were so afraid to leave any slow and quiet scenes in they spent millions on special effects and sacked the writing team off entirely. They need to be brave about doing the right scenes for the story.
Take Lord of the Rings. It didn’t bother them that the first book was essentially a long walk with a bit of betrayal.
Look at Harry Potter, the final films were a long camp in the forest looking for a few fancy magic horcrux devices.
A good director takes the mundane and difficult to shoot pieces and they shoot them anyway!
Look at Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. They are 60 minute long difficult and mundane scenes crammed with story. Get them to make a Dark Tower TV series please!
All The Dark Tower needed was an opening shot of Idris Elba on one side of the screen in a huge desert, with a silhouette of a man walking after him in the far distance behind him on the other side of the screen. The book has an iconic start, just like that.
You need to dare to risk it all on a story that doesn’t particularly feature many of the series’ characters from the offset. Merge parts of it with the second book if need be.
Sony seem to have completely bottled it with this film. They are an absolute abomination when it comes to movies.
Their movies are always ‘something you love, done differently’
Ghostbusters with an all female cast was brave, badly received for being incredibly unfunny (I’ve not seen it so cannot comment, but the promo for this movie put me off it entirely)
Jumanji, but its a video game and the kids are replaced with adult avatars of themselves – it doesn’t look like a *bad* film but WHY is this a Jumanji film?! It could just be a film about a video game.
Sony are horrid for stamping a name on something just to sell some tickets, never mind the consequences.
Sometimes they even do it for the right reasons and fail. Total Recall for example, was closer to the original, but not what anyone wanted or expected.
Who in their right mind would sell to them if they’re interested in a successful film? It must be all about scoring a quick buck.
What’s weird is Warner Brothers seem to have done the same when it comes to DC movies.
They managed to fund Harry Potter and a whole ton of IPs that were incredibly good.
Yet they have the vast history of The Justice League under their directive and they are absolutely failing to pull it together. Reacting entirely to what they think they should do to ‘beat Marvel’ whilst Marvel have already won the war, and are too busy smoking cigars to even think about what DC are doing.
I just don’t get who these people are. Zack Snyder – apparently thinks he’s so good he can balls up an entire comic universe?
Michael Bay was supposedly going to make the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles into Aliens at one point in the redevelopment of that series. Fortunately those films turned out rather entertaining but they kept them as Turtles. I remember reading the talk and thinking if they’re aliens, then they can’t be Turtles surely?!
I appreciate not wanting to literally just play out the books page by page, but when Game of Thrones did that it was perfect for the most part, it was only when they tried to butcher things for the sake of shoe horning in favoured actors that it began to get a bit silly. It picked up again once they moved ahead of the books though.
I guess the arrogance here is that these directors think they can take on a major IP and improve upon it.
Lord of The Rings is an atrocious read. All of Tolkien’s books are a mess to try and sit through. The films made them an (in my opinion boring) adventure that had a coherent thread through it.
Film production is joke at times, and nobody seems to take it on the chin and realise they’ve cocked up.
I can’t decide whether they need to take this sort of pitch to a focus group before they make it, or whether that’s the problem.
Look at Sonic The Hedgehog games for example – they asked a focus group what they wanted and they said more speed, more characters, more attitude, faster faster faster. We got over a decade of terrible Sonic games as a result.
Then a brave and genuine fan of platform games and Sonic as a historic classic, made Sonic Mania, and it is perfect.
If you’d asked a focus group would they like Dark Tower to be this sci fi mess they’d have surely said no. But you have to wonder whether they asked some morons what would improve Dark Tower and someone must have suggested this mess. It is the only explanation I can think of, as focus groups are a no brainer.
I’m assuming that nobody did this for any of the DC films because a Suicide Squad film second billing on their universe building plan was insanely dumb. No comic fan has had a look in on this line of story telling. It is all shiny toys and money thrown at special effects and it is an abject failure.
I had a look at Dark Tower’s budget and it had 60 million spent on it. I can’t believe they flushed that much money away on such a weak film, it feels too low to be epic but also too much for what they ended up with.
Judging by my most recent updates, maybe it is time for me to completely retire from TV and Film as I am feeling really fed up with dumb decisions and poor quality story telling.
I’ll stick to the books!